This morning we spent a leisurely three hours by the beach, basking in the sunshine, spending most of the time in the water swimming and waiting for a wave big enough to ride to shore, which happened very infrequently with the Easterly winds blowing today. My youngest daughter was in her element “it’s like a swimming pool!”, as the lack of waves made her more comfortable to venture into the water, powering her body board with her legs in lieu of wave power. It was a tremendously enjoyable morning, and it got me thinking about how lucky we were to have this time to ourselves this morning, not having to rush off to any activity or planned event.
Our morning was probably a huge contrast to that of the man I met last night at a charity auction dinner. He told me that his daughter was in Little Athletics and for some reason this weekend they had to attend on both Saturday and Sunday from 8am to 12 noon. What a chunk of time to be taking out of their weekend! At the moment we have no planned activities for our 7 and 4 year old but many of our friends are involved in heaps of lessons out of school hours: gymnastics, hip hop dance, ballet, art classes, swimming lessons, aikido, tee ball, drum lessons, piano lessons, guitar lessons …. The list goes on and on. Do I think my kids are missing out by not being exposed to all these extra activities? No, I truly don’t: and here’s why.
I think that parents get caught up in comparing their children with other children, and fear that if they don’t involve their children – even at a really young age – in extra activities then somehow they are robbing them of the opportunity to discover a talent, and that their children will miss out. This “fear of missing out” is so prevalent in our society at the moment, affecting every generation, and I can’t help but feel it’s brought on by the constant barrage of social media which delivers up every minute detail of friends and acquaintances’ lives, so much that it’s difficult not to compare their lives with ours. But in the rush to go from school to an afternoon activity a couple of nights a week, then one activity after another on the weekend the children end up tired, the family is constantly stressed out, and in the end the children aren’t even enjoying the activities at all!
My preferred approach is to spend time with the children at the beach, at the local park or even at home where we can exercise together, play together and have fun together. Isn’t it better to run around and exercise with the kids keeping fit and healthy along with them, rather than standing or sitting for an hour or so while they run around in their organised sport? The whole family benefits!
On the other hand, I do believe that learning to work as part of a team is an important element of team sports and I will encourage my daughters to get involved in one team sport each year. This will expose them to the idea of working towards a shared goal, and the feelings of camaraderie and belonging which I think are important for them to experience. It will also help to extend their social networks ... these are all excellent benefits. The problem lies in involving children in too many of these activities at the expense of important down time, particularly on the weekend.
I firmly believe that boredom breeds creativity. By constantly providing children with structured and organised activities we are robbing them of developing their imagination. My husband and I make sure that there is some time on the weekend – usually Sunday afternoon – where we are all at home and the kids are left to their own devices ….. no television on. They must entertain themselves and come up with something to do. Yes, we get the “I’m bored” whine, but little do they know that when I hear this I glow …. They are just on the cusp of inventing a new game or getting involved in an activity they haven’t tried before or perhaps haven’t used in a long time and they’ll be better off for it.
My kids are really happy kids. They are polite, gentle, kind, considerate of others, bold and independent and enjoy getting into life and trying new things. These are the qualities and behaviours that my husband and I try to demonstrate and instil in our kids. They are both very keen to socialise with others and share their time and their belongings with neighbours and friends from school. They both enjoy school very much and put in 100% effort everyday- this year I’m amazed at how much our 4 year old has progressed with writing the alphabet and creating drawings. My 7 year old just received a merit certificate at her last assembly for transitioning so well to her new school, working hard and being kind. Our girls are not overly stimulated and have enough space in their lives for creativity, connection with community and invention. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
If you have any thoughts on structured activities as opposed to sharing family recreation time, I’d love to hear about them so please write a post or drop me an email at livewelllivesmart@gmail.com .
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